Sooo, hi everyone, maybe you are wondering what is up with me... more likely you are interested in what is up with my music as noone cares about me particularly :D ... but probably you are not interested in either of them. Let's just be rational for a minute and juggle some numbers. There are 8 billion people on the Earth now and my tracks get on average (let's be optimistic) 100 listens. There are probably people who listen multiple times, so let's say, there are 200 people who ever listened to one of my songs. Out of those I assume around 1 % is interested in me specifically. If you are the other one (as I'm one of them), this post is for you. If you are from the rest of the population, I hope you find this rant interesting. (Since you don't know me and by chance never will, let's think about it as a fictional story. Just lean back, enjoy and hopefully you will learn something today. Or just gets your brain going. If it does, I'm happy already.)
Let's get into it!
Okay, so the thing you are probably most interested in: Yes, I'm working on something, it will come out eventually, I don't yet know when though. I wanted to release at least one track per month, but it's november already and I'm not happy with the current one yet. I don't like making excuses, I'm just lazy and haven't touched it for about a month. I guess, withouh having a deadline I feel no pressure to finish anything. I'm back at it though, and because of the lack of stress I'm much happier than I used to be. Unfortunately the work had been neglected because of it, but as I've said, I'm back at it!
This is the thing I wanted to talk about: Living life without excuses. I started it quite a couple years ago when I got sick of myself making up excuses. Be a man and just take your responsibility! So from that on I don't deflect, I don't try to get out of sticky situations, I just take those hits. On the one hand it can be considered as a weakness, why don't I stand up for myself but on the other hand it gives you the confidence and ego boost, that you are a responsible human being. And in some way it's stress free, you don't have to worry about what you are gonna say when you are questioned. Say the truth and that's it.
So what am I doing for real, instead of new tracks? A lot! I usually start huge projects and as I'm a perfectionist I invest a lot of time into them. Have I told you when I started to translate a whole game by mylesf? On the other time, when I started to translate another whole game by myself? No? That's because I've never finished them. I will get back to them eventually, one is just getting newer and newer updates every month and I don't feel like comparing long text files every month just to see what is new. When it's fully released, I may start over. I don't rush, there are quite few people interested in that game and even less in my country. And the number of people who is interested in it AND want to translate it is infinitesimal. The other game is quite a few years old and is huge so don't think anyone is interested in translating it. Many are still interested in a translated game but noone wants that huge burden to translate it. But me :D There is unfortunatelly a technical issue, the current font ingame does not have all the needed characters for my language. I tried to insert my own font into it, tried reaching the creators if they are interested in updating the files, I tried looking for help online if someone is knowledgeable enough and is willing to help, but even teamed up we were not able to crack the code. The project is still on my mind, but I'm not too confident I'll ever be able to finish it. Not long ago I've seen an interesting video about inserting new music into Lego Island (Lego Island) - genious video, I recommend it to everyone even if you are not interested in Lego Island! And it gave me a little hope, maybe I should check the HEX code of the game. Problem is, I know nothing about it so I'd have to learn a lot and I don't even know where to look as the game is huge. I want to get more into it just to finish my job, but it's not currently on the top of my todo list. Maybe one day. (Probably never though.)
"OK, I see you are to stupid to bite only what you can chew, but what are you doing now?!" you might ask. And you'd be right, I haven't told you about my current projects. I like music... or rather I love music, I just have to do something music related at all time! Some say they live by music, but not me. I just really really like to listen/play/make music. I'm just an average guy afterall. I'm currently transcribing music. I'm in an orchestra and we play what we transcribe. Sooo some has to do the work :D. Usually our lovely conductor transcribes our music, but if I want to play something only I enjoy I have to get to work. Bytheway, that man is a true demigod with the amount of work he is doing, conducting, transcibing and having a real job beside all that... I can only thank him for everything he does! OK, so I also started transcribing and I have to say, it's not easy. I don't have much sheet music to follow and writing down melodies by ear is just too hard for me. I manage somehow, but it's slow. Very slow! And after half an hour of listening to the same 30 seconds of a song over and over I just burn out and have no power to sit down to write some music. And my head is filled with those melodies I can't think about my own ideas. I'm not complaining just explaining the situation. It's draining, but I'm having fun, and the result will pay for everything (and I'm transcribing the music I love, so it's not like I'm forced to do it). I'm going to divide my time, sometimes transcribing sometimes working on my music. (I'm currently doing it so it's not just a wish :D I'm just admiting my fail in the previous month.)
Other than this I have a lot of work in Uni and I'm not the best with organizing my time :/ Hmm, yes what else?... Ohh, my life is going on, having few of the biggest crises of my life yet, but thanks I'm fine... at least I'm not dead, amirite? :( Yeah, so I'm not in the greatest period of my life, but I've been depressed before and this is not that, I'm just down on a scale of 1 to 5. A 3 maybe? I elaborate a bit, OK? I had a dark time, when I was depressed a few years back. It was horrifying. (I mark it as a 2 as there is always a way down...) And I haven't even notice until I was over it, just how messed up my thought were. If you are thinking about about suicide, murder or just feel like noone loves you, seek for help OK? The biggest weakness in life is to not admit that noone is perfect. (These double/triple negatives are hard to understand, I'm may even using them incorrectly, let me lay out for you in simpler words) You are not perfect. And that is not just OK, but necessary in life. Perfection does not exist. The beauty of life is how everyone is imperfect and everyone's life is a drama, featuring lots of deaths, pain and suffering. It's not a nice truth to accept, but if you internalise it, it'll be much easier to understand that the only thing you can do in life is being happy. And if that requires outside help, let it be. YOU CAN NOT BE A LESSER PERSON FOR SEEKING FOR HELP. Everyone needs help or at least appreciates the efforts. And there are ALWAYS people who love you. Always!
So I think I've seen the lowest of lows (I know there is always lower, but I'm trying to be optimistic that me or anyone else will never have to experience that), and compared to that I'm just bummed out currently. Not happy, but still seeing the light to work towards. My message to everyone: Never give up! I know I won't!