Sooo, hi everyone, maybe you are wondering what is up with me... more likely you are interested in what is up with my music as noone cares about me particularly :D ... but probably you are not interested in either of them. Let's just be rational for a minute and juggle some numbers. There are 8 billion people on the Earth now and my tracks get on average (let's be optimistic) 100 listens. There are probably people who listen multiple times, so let's say, there are 200 people who ever listened to one of my songs. Out of those I assume around 1 % is interested in me specifically. If you are the other one (as I'm one of them), this post is for you. If you are from the rest of the population, I hope you find this rant interesting. (Since you don't know me and by chance never will, let's think about it as a fictional story. Just lean back, enjoy and hopefully you will learn something today. Or just gets your brain going. If it does, I'm happy already.)

Let's get into it!

Okay, so the thing you are probably most interested in: Yes, I'm working on something, it will come out eventually, I don't yet know when though. I wanted to release at least one track per month, but it's november already and I'm not happy with the current one yet. I don't like making excuses, I'm just lazy and haven't touched it for about a month. I guess, withouh having a deadline I feel no pressure to finish anything. I'm back at it though, and because of the lack of stress I'm much happier than I used to be. Unfortunately the work had been neglected because of it, but as I've said, I'm back at it!

This is the thing I wanted to talk about: Living life without excuses. I started it quite a couple years ago when I got sick of myself making up excuses. Be a man and just take your responsibility! So from that on I don't deflect, I don't try to get out of sticky situations, I just take those hits. On the one hand it can be considered as a weakness, why don't I stand up for myself but on the other hand it gives you the confidence and ego boost, that you are a responsible human being. And in some way it's stress free, you don't have to worry about what you are gonna say when you are questioned. Say the truth and that's it.

So what am I doing for real, instead of new tracks? A lot! I usually start huge projects and as I'm a perfectionist I invest a lot of time into them. Have I told you when I started to translate a whole game by mylesf? On the other time, when I started to translate another whole game by myself? No? That's because I've never finished them. I will get back to them eventually, one is just getting newer and newer updates every month and I don't feel like comparing long text files every month just to see what is new. When it's fully released, I may start over. I don't rush, there are quite few people interested in that game and even less in my country. And the number of people who is interested in it AND want to translate it is infinitesimal. The other game is quite a few years old and is huge so don't think anyone is interested in translating it. Many are still interested in a translated game but noone wants that huge burden to translate it. But me :D There is unfortunatelly a technical issue, the current font ingame does not have all the needed characters for my language. I tried to insert my own font into it, tried reaching the creators if they are interested in updating the files, I tried looking for help online if someone is knowledgeable enough and is willing to help, but even teamed up we were not able to crack the code. The project is still on my mind, but I'm not too confident I'll ever be able to finish it. Not long ago I've seen an interesting video about inserting new music into Lego Island (Lego Island) - genious video, I recommend it to everyone even if you are not interested in Lego Island! And it gave me a little hope, maybe I should check the HEX code of the game. Problem is, I know nothing about it so I'd have to learn a lot and I don't even know where to look as the game is huge. I want to get more into it just to finish my job, but it's not currently on the top of my todo list. Maybe one day. (Probably never though.)

"OK, I see you are to stupid to bite only what you can chew, but what are you doing now?!" you might ask. And you'd be right, I haven't told you about my current projects. I like music... or rather I love music, I just have to do something music related at all time! Some say they live by music, but not me. I just really really like to listen/play/make music. I'm just an average guy afterall. I'm currently transcribing music. I'm in an orchestra and we play what we transcribe. Sooo some has to do the work :D. Usually our lovely conductor transcribes our music, but if I want to play something only I enjoy I have to get to work. Bytheway, that man is a true demigod with the amount of work he is doing, conducting, transcibing and having a real job beside all that... I can only thank him for everything he does! OK, so I also started transcribing and I have to say, it's not easy. I don't have much sheet music to follow and writing down melodies by ear is just too hard for me. I manage somehow, but it's slow. Very slow! And after half an hour of listening to the same 30 seconds of a song over and over I just burn out and have no power to sit down to write some music. And my head is filled with those melodies I can't think about my own ideas. I'm not complaining just explaining the situation. It's draining, but I'm having fun, and the result will pay for everything (and I'm transcribing the music I love, so it's not like I'm forced to do it). I'm going to divide my time, sometimes transcribing sometimes working on my music. (I'm currently doing it so it's not just a wish :D I'm just admiting my fail in the previous month.)

Other than this I have a lot of work in Uni and I'm not the best with organizing my time :/ Hmm, yes what else?... Ohh, my life is going on, having few of the biggest crises of my life yet, but thanks I'm fine... at least I'm not dead, amirite? :( Yeah, so I'm not in the greatest period of my life, but I've been depressed before and this is not that, I'm just down on a scale of 1 to 5. A 3 maybe? I elaborate a bit, OK? I had a dark time, when I was depressed a few years back. It was horrifying. (I mark it as a 2 as there is always a way down...) And I haven't even notice until I was over it, just how messed up my thought were. If you are thinking about about suicide, murder or just feel like noone loves you, seek for help OK? The biggest weakness in life is to not admit that noone is perfect. (These double/triple negatives are hard to understand, I'm may even using them incorrectly, let me lay out for you in simpler words) You are not perfect. And that is not just OK, but necessary in life. Perfection does not exist. The beauty of life is how everyone is imperfect and everyone's life is a drama, featuring lots of deaths, pain and suffering. It's not a nice truth to accept, but if you internalise it, it'll be much easier to understand that the only thing you can do in life is being happy. And if that requires outside help, let it be. YOU CAN NOT BE A LESSER PERSON FOR SEEKING FOR HELP. Everyone needs help or at least appreciates the efforts. And there are ALWAYS people who love you. Always!

So I think I've seen the lowest of lows (I know there is always lower, but I'm trying to be optimistic that me or anyone else will never have to experience that), and compared to that I'm just bummed out currently. Not happy, but still seeing the light to work towards. My message to everyone: Never give up! I know I won't!

Csucskos

So I don't even know anymore, I like if there's some structure, that's why I'm still holding on this September-June seasonal thing, but it's not that important anymore. I've been working on some songs during the summer, but haven't finished up anything. You got something halfnew at least, as a season start, hope you like it.

Hold on everyone, it's not gonna be easy, but one just have to be positive and hope for the best. I'll certainly be producing and making the best out of the situation. Be safe!

Csucskos

I dunno.

Yeah, everything is quite messy now. Soooo, let's evaluate!

This season I produced much-much less songs, but I truly believe they are all stellar incomparison to my previous works. So I count that as a win. BUT I worked much less overall on them, because I did not have the motivation. Without a deadline I don't feel to be pressured to make any progress. So I'll focus on investing more time in it, so that I can keep up the production value, but maybe increase the quantity of songs.

My overall verdict would be, since I was so less stressed because of the deadlines, I'm happy with my decision to get rid of the regular uploads.

Have a nice holiday, I'll see you next season! Or is it? :D I upload irregularly anyways, so I will not stick to my usual schedule and upload whenever I have something to share. Keep your (eyes) ears open! Cheers!

Csucskos

Let's get the easy bit out of the way: I wish you all Happy Holidays!

Csucskos

OK, so now story time:

This year I had my worst time ever. Ever! I failed a course... It may sound trivial for you, and think it's not a big deal, but it was a big deal for me. I have never ever failed before, and since I have low self-esteem it put me to the ground. Being good at everything was my thing... Anyways, so there was a reason, sounds funny now, but then it was scary. I was down... Really down... And chose to not share it with anyone... My biggest mistake... I think I'm strong and should not show myself weak... THIS IS STUPID AND YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO THIS! EVER EVER! I have friends, family, and yet chose not to seek for help. IT IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS! IT SHOWS HOW STRONG YOU ARE, NOT SCARED TO ADMIT YOUR HUMAN NATURE! Noone's perfect. I have to remind myself... It's not just OK, but normal to have flaws!

So I was down, but luckily I worked it out... It would have been easier if I ask for help, and you should too. I certanly will next time. It's not fun to live in a darkened world, where everything lost its saturation, nothing makes you truly happy... I feel lucky that this was the first for me, I can't imagine how hard it is for people with depression. You need help. It's OK! And the worst thing of all, in that state you don't want others to see you not being on top... so you stay there... Vicious loop...

The other big thing this year, I had my best day ever. Like truly ever, ever!

It's again, sounds trivial, but I had a really great day with my best friend. We spent the whole day together, just chatting about everything. And that's the biggest deal. We spoke about everything, and I felt honestly secure, not being judged, and managed to truly open up. Yes, we did not ride the biggest rollercoaster in town, we did not flew to the most beautiful place on Earth, we did not eat the best meal ever, we did not listened to the most mesmerizing music, we just talked. The feeling that I can be myself, and be loved for it... I wish everone this experience.

So I had my highest high and lowest low in this year. And I'm happy I experienced everything. Made me appreciate more the little things in my life. I'm happy again.

But there is one more thing. This friend. We know eachother for, gosh, 9 years?... We grew closer, than went apart, now close again. Closer than ever before, so...

I want to thank you! I feel we have never been this close, and I fear this means the only way is apart again. I don't want it, but you never know in life. So I want to thank you now! Now, when we are the closest. Thank you for everything! You know... everything... I... I... I don't know how to say this... I usually know my way around with words, but the gratitude I feel... I can't express it with words...

And I've found that the only way to express these emoitions, is through art. I like the perfectness of art. No matter if it's a drawing, poem or music... It has the ability to convey emotions, like nothing else...

I wrote you a piece... To be honest two, but the first (https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/880723) did not turn out as I wanted it to be. It'd not have been right for the current matter. I wanted someting truly special for you... So I wrote this: https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/899811

I hope you like it! And thank you!

Hello, hello everyone, it's me... Again... I'm back!

Sooo, I've released my newest, biggest, bestest song ever. And don't expect any less from now on!

I tried to polish my policy last year, it wasn't really working out. But I've realized what the problem was. (TaintedLogic's comment on one of my song's was the final push. I realized, most of my songs were missing the last 40 %. They were missing the umpph, the stuff that makes a song special and memorable. So thanks man! :D I appreciate it!)

To be honest I was never really making full songs... Most of the time I thought "I'll just release this great melody, I hope someone will make it into a kickass song!"... But why can't I be the one who makes that great song?! So from now on, my goal will be to only release full songs. I like the consistency of the 2 week upload period though, but I won't be releasing WIPs of the actual song I'll be working on, unless if it's worth it. I'll finish every song. Or most of it.

I hope you are having an awesome year!

Csucskos

This is again that time of the year. My annual holiday's starting point.

Looking back on this season:

I'm proud of myself. I made the BEST songs so far throughout of my career, but at the end I ran out of time because of life and uploaded the most-unfinished of my songs. Hopefully they are going to be finished sometime.

Ohh, and the absolute best song had been approved by the target audience, so definitely check it out. (I'm so happy about this :) ) - https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/867224

Have a nice holiday, I'll see you next season!

Csucskos

I was relaxing and doing nothing all summer, so no work has been done, but do not fear somehow I will get songs done. And this is the news. I will actually try to finish my songs. Until now I was satisfied with only writing down my core ideas and getting them out into the world. Now I'm going to flesh them out properly. I really need to practice mixing and stuff so this is gonna be interesting hopefully. I have been feeling this urge but the thing that pushed me over the edge was kliksphilip's "How making music made me a better person" video. Thanks.

Ohh, and this obviously means, that there are going to be a lot of WIP uploads.

Csucskos

So, another season ends here. I'm quite happy with this year's lineup. I hope you enjoyed too.

I wish everyone an eventful summer and see you in the next season.

Csucskos

I just realized what Christmas is all about. It is not about love and giving presents to eachother to make everyone richer... No. It is all about caring. You give a nice drawing to your parents to let them know, you care for them. So when everyone says: Merry Christmas and Happy Christmas and so on... You can't be always happy... Sometimes even at Christmas. This is not a holiday of happyness but the holiday of appreciation. Be with your loved ones and let them know you love them!

The idea came to me when I got to know that one of my older teachers has gone. He taught in my high school. I weekly go there (I'm now in university) and there was a picture of him with a short appreciation. This was my first encouter with death. I've lost others before but either I was too young or I didn't know the person that well.

What I felt was not lethargy but emptiness. I will miss him. And I realized when I was sitting there at another time, waiting for the bell (I came early) and I imagined him walking down the corridor and saying: "Good morning young man!" He always treated us as adults. And had answers when we wanted to know something. We had a great time after graduation, when we visited him with a few of my classmates. It was very heartfelt night. And it will never happen again.

And this was the time I realized: It doesn't matter that he is gone. I have to appreciate him and the others I do have. Don't have to be happy all the time, but esteem my friends and family.

SOooo..

I've learnt that the only thing what always exist is the excuse. I don't want to find excuses but...

To keep it short I had a beautiful summer (mostly because I spent my time with my friends) but didn't really work on new submissions. No fears tho, I'll have a lot of time during the year (hopefully) so the submissions-on-every-other-Sunday is going to stay, just the announced album is not going to arrive soon. It is going to take a tiny bit longer. Maybe next year. Or. Maybe the best if I just don't promise anything... The songs are going to be uploaded and if the stars aligned I might share some extra content. Maybe...

Csucskos