Let's get the easy bit out of the way: I wish you all Happy Holidays!

Csucskos

OK, so now story time:

This year I had my worst time ever. Ever! I failed a course... It may sound trivial for you, and think it's not a big deal, but it was a big deal for me. I have never ever failed before, and since I have low self-esteem it put me to the ground. Being good at everything was my thing... Anyways, so there was a reason, sounds funny now, but then it was scary. I was down... Really down... And chose to not share it with anyone... My biggest mistake... I think I'm strong and should not show myself weak... THIS IS STUPID AND YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DO THIS! EVER EVER! I have friends, family, and yet chose not to seek for help. IT IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS! IT SHOWS HOW STRONG YOU ARE, NOT SCARED TO ADMIT YOUR HUMAN NATURE! Noone's perfect. I have to remind myself... It's not just OK, but normal to have flaws!

So I was down, but luckily I worked it out... It would have been easier if I ask for help, and you should too. I certanly will next time. It's not fun to live in a darkened world, where everything lost its saturation, nothing makes you truly happy... I feel lucky that this was the first for me, I can't imagine how hard it is for people with depression. You need help. It's OK! And the worst thing of all, in that state you don't want others to see you not being on top... so you stay there... Vicious loop...

The other big thing this year, I had my best day ever. Like truly ever, ever!

It's again, sounds trivial, but I had a really great day with my best friend. We spent the whole day together, just chatting about everything. And that's the biggest deal. We spoke about everything, and I felt honestly secure, not being judged, and managed to truly open up. Yes, we did not ride the biggest rollercoaster in town, we did not flew to the most beautiful place on Earth, we did not eat the best meal ever, we did not listened to the most mesmerizing music, we just talked. The feeling that I can be myself, and be loved for it... I wish everone this experience.

So I had my highest high and lowest low in this year. And I'm happy I experienced everything. Made me appreciate more the little things in my life. I'm happy again.

But there is one more thing. This friend. We know eachother for, gosh, 9 years?... We grew closer, than went apart, now close again. Closer than ever before, so...

I want to thank you! I feel we have never been this close, and I fear this means the only way is apart again. I don't want it, but you never know in life. So I want to thank you now! Now, when we are the closest. Thank you for everything! You know... everything... I... I... I don't know how to say this... I usually know my way around with words, but the gratitude I feel... I can't express it with words...

And I've found that the only way to express these emoitions, is through art. I like the perfectness of art. No matter if it's a drawing, poem or music... It has the ability to convey emotions, like nothing else...

I wrote you a piece... To be honest two, but the first (https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/880723) did not turn out as I wanted it to be. It'd not have been right for the current matter. I wanted someting truly special for you... So I wrote this: https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/899811

I hope you like it! And thank you!